


Gazing Beyond

by lavender19



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-18 01:55:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29602080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavender19/pseuds/lavender19
Summary: You are a doctor on the survey ship to Paradis, who wanted no part in the age-old conflict between Eldia and Marley. Unfortunately, it seems that you've been dragged into it against your will and find yourself working in the Survey Corps, attempting to understand the strange world within the walls.
Relationships: Levi Ackerman & Reader, Levi Ackerman/Reader
Comments: 1
Kudos: 18





	Gazing Beyond

As you sat on a rocky outcrop and watched the beach below you, you couldn’t help but smile. The waves were peaceful, pushing out and pulling in, crashing against the shore. Somehow, you enjoyed looking out from it on the land far more than when you had been on the boat. Despite your situation, you were strangely calm. You felt so helpless, yet you understood that there was nothing you could do to change the outcome of your situation. 

You unbuckled the helmet on your head, and held it on your lap, examining the scratches and beaten-up exterior. It had felt so heavy and irritating upon your head, coupled with the Marleyan army uniform. As a child, you had despised the uniform and the people who wore it. Marley had bombed your land and filled your city with titans, forcing you to surrender your home and move into a refugee camp. They had glared and spit on you, trapped you like animals, and completely dehumanized you to the point that you weren’t even sure what you were. Many people took their anger out on the Eldians, but the Marleyans were the ones you despised. You had watched friends and relatives get shot down and blown up time and time again, and their evil faces cheered as they conquered your home and made it their own. 

Your parents had always assured you that there was hope. After long hours of working in factories, building guns and sewing uniforms with scarred hands, you studied and did your best to excel in school. You had been taken in under the wing of an Eldian doctor, completed medical school, and become a doctor to earn money and support your parents. You had grand plans of eventually collecting enough to get your family out of that damn camp, and you had worked so hard to one day do so. By day, you treated upper class Marleyan citizens, and by night, you travelled to the internment zones and refugee camps to treat those who were less fortunate. It made you proud to know that you could help people with your skills and knowledge. 

But like many others, when the Mid-East War began, you were dragged into the military that had taken everything from you. You were drafted to work as a military doctor, treating soldiers as the sounds of bullets and explosions blared in the background. You watched as civilians were brutally murdered, biting your fingernails until they bled as the images of children being gunned down flashed through your mind. Every day, you reminded yourself that you were doing this to survive, and every day, you doubted your intentions even more. To you, being a doctor seemed like a noble profession, but as you glanced at your bloodied hands and gaunt face in the mirror, you felt like throwing up. You were just as much as a killer as the titans and snipers on the field. You were enabling evil and you were absolutely miserable. 

When the Warriors returned, you saw an opportunity to escape. A survey ship was being sent back to Paradis, and it was an opportunity to escape the frontlines and still support your family. You had even found some familiar faces when you boarded. Onyankonpon was an acquaintance from the refugee camp, and it relieved you that someone who understood your situation would be there alongside you for the next few months. 

The work was certainly less strenuous than what you were used to. Other than a bout of flu on board, and some minor injuries, you didn’t have many patients coming through in the ship infirmary. You had made some friends, spending a lot of your time with Niccolo while regulating soldier diets, and even drinking with Yelena, one of the only other women on board. Yelena was intimidating at first, but you had slowly opened up to her and found that she was quite nice. She didn’t talk a lot, but she seemed interested in your medical work and listened with a smile when you talked about studies that had interested you, and amusing patient encounters. She was one of the few people you had let yourself trust. 

That trust had been a mistake, and it became clear when she gunned down the commanding officer upon being ambushed by the Paradis Eldians and their titans. You couldn’t believe your eyes as she willingly let everyone become a prisoner of war, and your horror had only been made worse when you realized that Onyankopon was in on it too. Two people you had considered trustworthy had betrayed your cause and roped you into becoming a prisoner of war again. 

At first, you had been furious. As the Eldians forced you onto their island, you knew that you would likely never see your family again. You were hundreds of miles away from home, and would likely be presumed dead. Nobody would be left to support your parents and they would be in poverty forever while you were here with soldiers in an army that you despised. Your rage had led you to scream and struggle against your captors. In an attempt to escape, you bit one young Eldian soldier so hard that his arm was covered in blood by the time they had managed to lock you in a cell. Looking back, you felt incredibly guilty. The poor kid couldn’t have been older than nineteen years old, and you had seen the clear pain in his face. Violence was something you didn’t expect yourself to stoop to, and you managed to surprise yourself with the horrible things you had said to the soldiers and your comrades. 

Sitting in the cell for some time really allowed you to calm down. Time had become fuzzy and days seemed to melt into one another, and you did everything you could to avoid thinking about home. You spent most of your time sleeping, but you managed to pester the guards into giving you books, pencils, paper, and even a notebook, which you began to write in. After a few days, you were eventually released and brought to a room where you found Yelena seated across from two of the Paradis soldiers. The scene replayed in your mind, as you sat down, glaring at her with a look of pure malice. She had ruined everything for you, yet sat, sipping tea with a smug smile on her face. You wanted to scream and lunge at her, but you were painfully aware of how many hostile soldiers were watching You had to keep your cool or you would just dig yourself deeper into this nightmare. 

It was to your surprise that you were offered a cup of tea for yourself. You hadn’t had tea in ages – your mother could rarely afford it, so she only brought it out during special occasions when you were growing up. Thinking of them made your soul ache, and you grinded your teeth together to prevent the tears. After all, you didn’t trust these people at all, and didn’t want to show signs of weakness. 

“I’m glad to see that you’re doing alright, Doctor. I’d like to introduce you to Commander Hange and Captain Levi,” Yelena said smoothly. 

You kept your face rigid, surveying the soldiers before you. They were higher ups, and you recognized them from the night on the boat, when they had threatened Niccolo. Commander Hange flashed you a dazzling smile while Captain Levi scowled. 

“So this is the asshole who bit Connie, huh.” he said, bitterly. Hange quickly cut him off. 

“Yelena told us that you’re an extremely capable doctor! We may be off to a bit of a rough start, but we hope that we can learn from you and your expertise in medicine!”

You didn’t know how to respond. What had Yelena said to these people? 

Yelena placed her tea cup on the table. “The Doctor comes from a country that was conquered by Marley. She’s someone who can be trusted–”

“How dare you.” The words shot out of your mouth as you turned to look at her. “I don’t understand you at all. I told you about my family and homeland because I trusted you. You know as well as I do that I have a family to support, and you still chose to trap me in this shithole as part of whatever fucking plot you’ve been planning.” Your hands shook and your eyes stung with tears that slid down your cheeks and onto your lap. “I don’t want any part of this. I never wanted to be involved with anything on this shitty island. All I wanted was to financially provide for my family, and you’ve managed to take that from me too, you bitch.”

Yelena’s expression didn’t change. If she felt the tiniest shred of pity or remorse, it didn’t show at the slightest. But to your surprise, Commander Hange hurriedly dug in her pocket and pulled out a handkerchief. You were taken aback as she pressed it into your hands.

“I’m sorry that you’ve been dragged into this. I don’t know if I can do anything to help your family, but if there’s anything that the Scouts can do for you, I’ll make sure it happens. We really need your help, and I hope that you could bestow your knowledge upon us.” 

It felt like you had been hit by one of the cars you frequently saw in Marley. You sobbed, taking loud breaths as you shook and cried. It was embarrassing that so many people were watching but Commander Hange patted your hand sympathetically, with an expression of genuine concern. 

You finally pulled yourself together, wiping your tears and looking up. Between hic-ups and shaky breaths, you managed to address the people who were watching you 

“I have limited supplies on the ship. We could only carry so much, and we didn’t expect to be out here for more than a few months. I don’t know how useful I’ll be to you on this island,” you admitted quietly. “I’ll do my best to help you out though. Just don’t expect me to fight on behalf of Eldians. I don’t intend on involving myself in your damn wars as long as I’m trapped here against my will.” 

Hange reached out and squeezed your hand tightly. “We appreciate it! I look forward to getting to know you.” She said excitedly.

You looked down at the cup of tea next to you for a good minute, and pushed it away. It would be too painful to drink it.  
“Can I be taken back to my cell?” You asked. “If there’s nothing else to discuss, I’d rather not sit around here.”

Hange smiled. “You should get some fresh air. We don’t want to treat you like a prisoner. We’ll have a guard accompany you for now, just to be safe, but you’re free to look around.”

For the first time in weeks, you cracked a smile. You quite liked Hange. You didn’t want to like her so easily, but she was the first person who had shown you compassion since you had arrived. Marley had always preached about the Island Devils, but these people didn’t seem so horrible.

It occurred to you how lonely you had been since you had arrived. As a soldier accompanied you on your walk around the edge of the island, you realized that you hardly knew anyone or anything in this place. You asked if you would be able to look at the beach from the rocks above, and the guard grudgingly agreed, watching you carefully as you sat and gazed down at the ocean.

As much as you hated to admit it, Yelena had been right. You wanted to join these people, and watch them destroy Marley. You remembered reading in the papers about how the Warriors had been unsuccessful in their mission to take the Founding Titan from the island, and it had been a sliver of hope for the people who had been trampled by Marley time and time again. It was foolish to give into whatever they were doing, but you didn’t have anything to cling onto other than your desire for revenge.

Beneath you, was an island that had never known Marleyan conquest. It was hell to some, but you felt that it was truly Paradise. It was freedom, an escape from chains that had kept you down for so long. And while your heart ached so badly for home, you felt a mix of guilt and curiosity as you glanced at the towering walls in the distance. It seemed so promising.


End file.
